Writers Conference attracts fairy godmothers

PNWA 1 '13More than five hundred people went sleepless in Seattle this past week. I was one of them.

Sleepless because we all took part in the four-day annual conference of the Pacific Northwest Writers Association, which had crammed in enough formal activities to keep us going at least twelve hours a day. Preparing to pitch our books to agents and editors, and then giving the pitches, added adrenaline to the daily mixture of caffeine and heady conversations with fellow writers.

Panels of agents and editors helped prepare us for the pitches and warned us what not to say.  Below are some of their most entertaining cautions. I’ve taken a few liberties with the words, but the meaning is true to their messages.

*”Don’t say, ‘I’ve written the next Harry Potter…but my story is even better.'”

*”Avoid telling us, ‘My writing is like that of F. Scott Fitzgerald'” [or Ernest Hemingway or any other iconic American author].

*”We’d rather not hear, ‘My book is a guaranteed best seller.'”

*”When we ask you to give us a title of a similar book, so we have an idea of where yours would fit on a bookstore or library shelf, don’t say, ‘Mine is a cross between “Little House on the Prairie” and the “Transformers” comic book.

*”My agency only deals with non-fiction.  Please don’t try to pitch your steampunk** romance to me.”

In planning my pitch I avoided all these blunders, but that didn’t keep the jitters at bay during the hour before my pitch session began.  I decided to hang out and rehearse in a space empty but for a few people, urns, tables and chairs.

“How are you?” asked a woman filling her coffee cup while I dunked my tea bag.

I said, “I’m pitching this morning,” knowing that those four words would communicate what I was feeling to any fellow writer.

“I’m a therapist.  Would you like to talk?”

I answered that question in a nano-second. She had successfully pitched to an agent a few years ago and her book was now on sale in the conference book store. When we parted, I went on to give my two-minute spiel in a calmer state of mind. I talked to three agents and one editor and all said they’d like to receive samples from my novel.  The outcome of my pitch might not have been different without my new acquaintance’s help, but my attitude toward giving it had been transformed. She was my fairy godmother that day.

Besides experiencing this and other “kindnesses of strangers,” between sessions, my writing program classmates and I moved in a pack through the halls of the conference center ready to laugh, advise and give encouragement at any moment…and to help keep each other awake when a presenter wasn’t able to do the job.

**Urban Dictionary says, “Steampunk is a subgenre of speculative fiction, usually set in an anachronistic Victorian or quasi-Victorian alternate history setting. It could be described by the slogan, ‘What the past would look like if the future had happened sooner.’ It includes fiction with science fiction, fantasy or horror themes.”

About stillalife

I retired June 30, 2010 after working for 40 years in the field of education and most recently doing school public relations/community outreach in a mid-size urban school district. I wrote for superintendents and school board members. Now I'm writing for me and I hope for you. In this blog, I offer my own views coupled with the latest research on how to preserve our physical and mental health as we age, delve into issues most of us over 50 can relate to like noticing wrinkles and forgetting where we left our keys, discuss the pros and cons of different ways to engage our minds and bodies after we leave the workplace, and throw in an occasional book review, all peppered with a touch of humor, irony, and just plain silliness. Also, I'm on the third draft of my second novel since retirement.
This entry was posted in humor, writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Writers Conference attracts fairy godmothers

  1. Laura says:

    One of my favorite quotes came from the first page workshop. After reading the opening to a sci-fi story that began with a car chase, which left us wondering whether the cars had drivers or not, one of the female agents on the panel gave us the standard lecture on how opening with action doesn’t work if we have no idea who the characters are and no reason to care about them. The lone male agent on the panel then spoke up, and said, “well, I liked it. Car chase…I’m a guy…” {pause for laugher}.

    My appreciation goes to all the people who listened to my pitch, in some cases over and over, and gave me feedback as well as a chance to practice saying it without sounding terrified.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s