Losing a friend

ana ruizI lost a friend this week. Ana is her name. She moved here from Spain three years ago, because of her husband’s company’s involvement in a local engineering project.

Our first encounter was serendipitous. A woman I had heard of but had never met, emailed me to ask if I knew of an advanced English class to which she could refer a newcomer from Spain.  Hmm.  I really couldn’t recommend a class until I knew Ana’s level of English. And my Spanish could use a workout. Surely I could help someone who spoke English at an advanced level. All these thoughts went through my mind as I emailed Ana and asked if she’d like to meet for coffee.

We met first at Starbucks. Her English was excellent. She only wanted help in pronunciation.  We decided to meet often and devote half our conversation to each language. That didn’t last long. Obviously she’d figured out that my Spanish needed more work than her English, so at some point all our conversations were in her first language.

We became friends over the two years we sat in coffee shops and talked. Mostly we shared our everyday comings and goings, our opinions on everything, a little gossip, and laughter. I marveled at her confidence and the ease with which she adjusted to life in a foreign environment.

When I first met Ana she was researching private schools for one son. They chose a school in the City of Kirkland a few miles away.  She pronounced it something like “Keerklan,” and I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Recently the family had to find a new house to rent and she located one in Kirkland. I told her she couldn’t move there until she learned to pronounce it.  She laughed and told me there was another word she needed to practice: milk. In Starbucks she had ordered coffee with milk on the side.  The person who took her order kept asking, What?” and Ana kept saying, “Meelk.” When the coffee arrived, Ana couldn’t understand why the barista had set a sprig of mint beside it and no milk.

A week ago Ana died. Heart attack? Stroke? Something that took her fast.  She was fifty-three. I was glad I had seen her a few days before, but that doesn’t keep me from missing her. Without her help I will lose my Spanish fluency. But that can always come back. She can’t and that is the problem.



About stillalife

I retired June 30, 2010 after working for 40 years in the field of education and most recently doing school public relations/community outreach in a mid-size urban school district. I wrote for superintendents and school board members. Now I'm writing for me and I hope for you. In this blog, I offer my own views coupled with the latest research on how to preserve our physical and mental health as we age, delve into issues most of us over 50 can relate to like noticing wrinkles and forgetting where we left our keys, discuss the pros and cons of different ways to engage our minds and bodies after we leave the workplace, and throw in an occasional book review, all peppered with a touch of humor, irony, and just plain silliness. Also, I'm on the third draft of my second novel since retirement.
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6 Responses to Losing a friend

  1. JanO says:

    Losing a friend is tough. Just want you to know I’m sorry about you losing yours.

  2. Ann — such a lovely tribute to your friend. I hope you sent this to her family. I know I’ve appreciated the words of others outside the family when I’ve had a family loss. Take care.

  3. Alvaro says:

    Lovely words about my mother, thank you Ann.

    • ann oxrieder says:

      I’m so glad you saw this, Alvaro. I wasn’t sure how to get in touch with you. Have you returned to Madrid for your exams? How are you and your family doing?

      • Mary Kate Uribe says:

        When I first read this piece, I feared that it was about the same Ana that I knew. Finding your blog and seeing Ana’s photo, the worst is confirmed. I had many conversations with her — in Spanish and English — about school, family, Spain, life in Bellevue. I met her when she registered Gonzalo at the school where I work. Thank you for the lovely tribute to Ana. My warm wishes and condolences to her sons, husband, and entire family.

  4. stillalife says:

    Thank you for your kind words. I think about Ana and her family often.

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